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Sexless Marriage: Does Your Sexless Marriage Have You Thinking About Divorce?
Copyright © 2004, Karl Augustine
Deciding On Divorce
http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com
If you are in a sexless marriage and are unhappy because of it,
don't worry, it isn't unrecoverable but it is serious cause for
concern. You may even be thinking that you need a divorce because of your sexless marriage, that's only natural. But, in order to really decide what to do, some thinking needs to be done so you
feel good about your decision, regardless if you stay married
or not.
Being stuck in a sexless marriage can have you feeling a wide
range of feelings from loneliness, listlessness, confusion,
unconfident, etc. These feelings come about for a variety of
reasons and they can be overcome if you just figure out why
you're in a sexless marriage. You need to get to the root of
the problem and uncover the real reasons that you and your
spouse are no longer sexually active assuming of course, you
once were!
To get to the heart of the causes for a sexless marriage will
take some time. On the surface, you may be thinking that the
cause of your sexless marriage may include one or more of the
following scenarios:
Sexless Marriage: "We both work too much!":
You both work extremely hard and there just never seems to be
enough time to get together, your schedules are skewed. This is
true a lot nowadays with the 'new' economy, lots of couples are
married but just live together like roommates if both parties
have 'time-consuming' careers. If not managed properly, it is
unfortunate but common for people in this type of lifestyle to
end up in a sexless marriage.
Sexless Marriage: "You work, I stay home with the kid/s!":
One of you works very hard with your career and one of you stays
home to raise the children (child), which is equally as hard as
any career! This situation can lead to a sexless marriage in
many cases because of the seemingly disparate priority base of
each party. The spouse with the career may need to work after
hours, travel, or attend "post work" functions and the spouse
who stays home raising the children (child) may not have any
other outlet for relaxation away from the home front. This
situation can easily lead to a sexless marriage because there
may be underlying feelings from both sides that contribute to
an already tough situation based on personal and work related
schedules.
The spouse with the career may say at times, "Why do you think
I work so hard? I do it for you, the kids, our family, etc.".
The spouse who stays home with the children (child) may say at
times, "You have another release, you have social interaction
daily with the outside world. I feel stuck here sometimes, I
need to get out and have time for myself.". If the spouse that
stays home feels like the spouse with the career enjoys being
out and working more than being home, that calls for a whole
different and escalated level of concern! Chances are the
sexless marriage was bound to be that way before the current
situation even arose.
Sexless Marriage: "I don't know why...there's just no spark
left, you don't pay enough attention to me and our sex life
and I guess I don't either!":
This is a common sexless marriage situation and it can be
caused by a variety of things including emotional scars, bad
experiences, boredom, laziness, etc. In this situation, there
is deep cause for concern from both parties because both
parties aren't happy sexually but don't really know why it
ended up this way. Both parties have just "let things go" and
didn't place a high enough priority on their sex life with
their spouse, which in and of itself is very concerning.
Why would either or both parties let things get this way when
love making is so important?
Sometimes there's a feeling of being taken for granted that can
occur in this type of sexless marriage, and both parties should
realize that sex is a basic human need and should take priority
over other things at the right time. It takes work to get out of
this type of sexless marriage, you need to sit down and figure
out why your marital love life has dwindled. If you both really
want to rekindle things, you can do so, but you both need to
take equal responsibility for correcting the problem.
Whatever type of sexless marriage you are in (there's certainly
more types than listed here), remember that it is not
unrecoverable. If you're to the point of thinking about getting
a divorce because of your sexless marriage, take the time to
sit down and figure out how it got to be the way it is now.
If you've lost interest in your spouse from a sexual point of
view, you need to define exactly why that occurred. If you don't
know right off hand, you need to think back to a time when you
did 'have the spark' and recall what you both were doing,
feeling, thinking, etc. From that point, identify what has
changed, why it has changed, and what you can do about it. When
you get that portion figured out, you may well on your way to
taking the first step of recovering from your sexless marriage.
Remember, if you really want to rekindle your relationship, you
can.
Karl Augustine, Author of:
"A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce"
http://www.deciding-on-divorce.com
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